New Obsession: Storage Wars

My last post about reality TV still stands true. I still think that people who do nothing should not be famous. They just perpetuate the annoying mentality that the more ridiculous you are the more money you can earn. That whole concept annoys me. I know I still watch it, but to be fair I am confined to my house.

Anyways, I stumbled upon this show called STORAGE WARS. The show concentrates on 4 men who have been in the "storage bidding business" for over a number of years. They each have their little nicknames, like "the gambler", "the young gun", and "the collector", to make the show a little more kitschy. The premise of the show is that a bunch of people go to storage units and bid on the contents. This is of course after the renter has been delinquent on their storage payments and so their belongings are up for auction. The crazy part is that the bidders are only allowed to look at the unit for five minutes and can't actually enter it, or open any of the boxes. So basically people don't know what they are bidding on. The show is like a cross between Lets Make a Deal and Antique Roadshow.

When each storage unit has been bidded on, the winning bidder rummages through his newest belongings. Here is the kicker, there are things in there that are worth THOUSANDS. On one episode the guy bidded on a unit for $450. Sadly he could have gotten it for less if he wasn't in a bidding war with another guy. But after winning a unit he didn't want, he lucked out and found out that the boxes in the back contained a crazy amount of sports memorabilia. So that $450 dollar unit made him over $5,000.

So what makes this reality show different from others? Well reality shows come in two categories: 1) People who do something 2) People who do nothing. For example, the people on storage wars, the bidding, the units, the stuff they sell- this is their livelihood. Its their bread and butter. Watching Deadliest Catch gets me all amped up, because it's guys trying to earn a living, trying to get out there and fish in the coldest waters of the world. I think A&E and Discovery pretty much are my new favorite networks.


I need to bid on some storage units.

They ARE NOT the REAL housewives.....

Since being confined to my couch and watching TV on the endless amounts of channels that Fios provides, I have unwillingly adapted new shows into my regular viewing rotation. Sadly, these shows are neither good, intellectually stimulating or even posses a story line. Instead these shows have selfish people, crazed fame whores, and mind numbing conversations. So here is my question- why in the hell do I (people) watch crap reality shows? Sober shows are the worst shows. Now I am not just talking about drugs and alcohol. People can get high/drunk off of power and money. There are so many things out in the world that people get addicted to and that is why, we as viewers continuously watch these train wrecks. I hate admitting that I watch these shows- but I will still HATE ON them.

Example one: The Sarah Palin Show
She is Alaskan, has a funny accent and half the show is watching the wildlife of Alaska....if I wanted wildlife I would have switched to National Geographic and the Discovery channel, there is nothing that Sarah Palin could show me that I wouldn't find more entertaining then on those two channels. PLANET EARTH IS THE ISH!
Example two: The Jersey Shore
I know this show is terrible, how can you support a show which displays people at their social worst? How can you take people who have nicknames like, "the Situaiton", "Snooki", and "Jwow" seriously? How in the hell did these people gross over a couple million a year? The Situation is pretty much one step away from being a rapist. He claims to get all this booty, but man, after watching that show, the man has to work really really hard for it. (no pun intended) He may have a nice body, but listening to him "charm" girls into coming home with him, is like listening to nails on a chalkboard. It's terrible. Snooki, is just dumb. I know she means well, but dumb is dumb and so that in itself is an addicting thing to watch. Their drunken escapades had made them the highest paid dumbasses.
Example three: Any and ALL of the Real Housewives of city X,Y,Z
I hate admitting to actually watching any of these episodes. But why GOD is it so fascinating to watch over privileged women gossip about other over privileged women all the while in their over priced outfits, that could finance a village in Africa or Detroit. Ugh, so here's to you Real Housewives - I want to punch you in the face for your insane spending sprees, your petty augments and your mightier then thou attitude. Good for you, glad you banged someone who could support your manis and pedis. Ugh.

Remake THIS!

Hollywood has been pretty lazy. They are remaking everything. Its starting to make me upset. TV shows, old movies, and even taking ideas from abroad and trying to revamp it into this original and hip idea, (when IT'S NOT) has me concerned for the movie makers of America. I imagine some random producer, watching TV and trying to fall sleep in bed, he channel surfs and just lands on Nick at Nite or USA and it happens to be in the middle of an A-Team marathon. When he finally wanders to lalala land, he thinks about how funny the A-Team and how original it would be to make a movie of them, because well its a very simple storyline. He wakes up and there you have it, a remake. I am sick of these remakes, I am sick of them not even being a quarter as entertaining as its predecessor. See I would not complain so much if the original shows or movies were just crap, but they weren't. They were great shows and even better movies, why remake it? For example- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The original was amazing! Gene Wilder played a wonderful aloof, sneaky and smarter then he looks Willy Wonka, with his brood of orange morally instilled midgets!

I applaud you Tim Burton for your fantastical imagery and use of exuberant colors, but the original movie did not need to be tampered with. Johnny Depp was just...strange with and underlying tone of creepy. Not a good personality trait for a children's movie.

I know that a lot of people will give me crap about remakes, cause well its basically retelling the story for the next generation. Sadly with every remake, redo, rendition, things change. After enough changes, then its a completely different story and only a shell of a character which might resemble a story that someone once heard. Ugh, it angers me so.

Here are some more horribly ventured remakes that have burnt through my retinas.

Planet of the Apes:



<---this was good. this was bad---->







There are a ton of other movies I could list...but I don't have the manpower for the insane amount of terrible remakes.

HOLLYWOOD- GET SOME NEW MATERIAL!

Surgery Sucks

Surgery. Talk about a means to an end. I have always been so accident prone. I have the kind of luck where if the wind blew, a trash can would come and hit me in the face. My luck is so bad that, once at a party a 12 foot wooden structure fell perpendicular onto my shin...TWICE! Its no surprise that I have seen the inside of a operating room numerous times. This is one such story:

My friends were throwing a party at their apartment which was on the 8 floor at the end of a very, very long hallway. I had arrived kind of late to it, and bringing two of my friends. Now everyone knows, if you come late to a party, it's almost guaranteed that nearly every attendant is probably inebriated to some extent, if not completely plastered. Well this party was no exception. I came in started to mingle and make my rounds. An hour or so into the party, my roommate at the time (who was a south American, oh i am really tough, but no really a kind of sissy, but likes to fight when he's a drunk idiot) came up to me and asked- Hey Bro lets wrestle.

Now thinking that this would be a funny idea, and not thinking that he would actually take it seriously, i agreed to the proposed activity. There we were, standing in front of each other, only about a foot away from each other, both ready to attack. But thinking that it was just a joke, I smiled and said- I can't wrestle, and went in to hug him. Well Mr. Machismo took that as a sign of an attack and proceeded to take my body, twist it, and throw me on the ground and then landing on top of me. When I hit the floor I heard a crack/snap. Something was horribly wrong, something broke. I looked down and stared at my left foot. Then it dawned on me, FEET DON'T TURN THAT WAY!!!! My left foot was hanging at an impossible angle off of my ankle. I started to freak out, screaming at people, telling them something was wrong. This was a mistake. Never FREAK OUT AT A PARTY WHERE EVERYONE IS WASTED!

The party attendants all went into hyper drive. People were talking, trying to figure out how to get me to the hospital, one drunk claimed he could snap the ankle back into place, another drunk started jumping over my leg, and then a friend decked him and said stay away from her. Someone had just taken some sort of criminal class and went around asking everyone for a statement. All the while I am lying there, with my head in a friend's lap. She says to me, hey its not that bad, it totally looks ok, and then she looks up and mouths- oh my god it's totally broken. While this was all going on the only thing I could think about was...damn i could really use a cigarette right now.

Zombies are great

I have a new obesession- its called the WALKING DEAD:



I love this show. Yes its a lot like every other zombie movie. Yes it uses the same plot. Yes they use the same method as every other zombie movie of how a person turns into a zombie. But damn I love them zombies! There is an attraction of people fighting something so ugly!




When it comes down to it, its just the basic instinct of survival. That is all: on the human and zombie side. They are just really really hungry. And we have all been there, you know so hungry that you get angry, cranky and semi pissed off. I especially can't focus on conversations if there is food around and I still haven't had anything to snack on and I am starving. That is the worse. So long story short, when confronted with a zombie just give him a snack.